Reserved

2 weeks ago, something happened. Your best friend hit a nerve.

me: Well if I'm gonna bring her (read: you) over to Melbourne, I'll probably need 2K.
D: Why? Air tickets don't cost that much.
me: Yeah, true. I wanna take her ballooning though...
D: Will you stop with the romantic shit already? It's not like u doing it will make any of this come to fruition. So she was impressed by your blog. But it's more like a instant reaction than anything else. A grand gesture that was, at best, appreciated for the moment.

Maybe that's the reason for this entry. I'd be lying if I said I don't have anything to prove. And what exactly what am I trying to prove? My persistence? After hitting a brick wall time after time? Or is stupidity a better term? Maybe I just wanna let you know that I am active in my pursuit of you, albeit a more subtle and less in-your-face approach.

Over time I tend to not say what I really feel cos I know of that barrier that gets automatically erected by you when faced with an uncomfortable disposition. But it's only human to do it and I don't blame you. I do it too. So I got another practice run of being reserved, or learning to be so, yesterday.

me: hey...
you: hey, wassup?
me: nothing, I called because...I can... (which really means I called because I miss you)
you: oh, okay...(awkward laugh ensues)
me: I tried calling you back the other day after your test but nobody picked up
you: test? what test? I've been going through so many tests of late, it's been crazy...
me: you know, the online test you were taking the other day...

At that point I was informed that it was more of an aptitude test for an internship. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how passionate you were over this. A raised tone, faster speech. The subtleties, or should I say the obvious signs, were not unnoticed. You mention the various openings- some start-ups, others more well-established. You go through the pros and cons and I was just happy to listen.

I then mention a faux pas on my part. I greeted an aquantaince with "hello gorgeous" when I was reminded of our relationship-aquantainces. I assumed it wasn't much of an issue as the locals wouldn't so much bat an eyelid. it was meant to be a compliment but after that greeting I was termed "cheeky". The English can be an uptight bunch. Having interacted with said lady for a couple weeks now, with extended trips to the beach (along with a bunch of other sun worshipping people) an hour away from Melbourne, I thought the familiarity was there-obviously I thought wrong. I then mention my peeling skin due to sunburn, which you reply with mock disgust.

Then silence. If but for a second. Something I've never been comfortable with. Maybe it's the inherent asian trait that dislikes the awkwardness that's associated with it. I mention that I should get to bed and you best get back to studying. Nothing more of excuse really. You ask me what time is it over there and I mention the 3 hour time difference. What I take as a sign of you prolonging the conversation becomes an illusion as you say "bye" with lightning quick efficiency. I do the same, asking you to take care. As I hang up the phone, I mentally kicking myself for cutting short the conversation while simultaneously reminding myself that there is always a next time. Maybe. Hopefully. Reservedly.